Let me share a secret with you: sometimes the road less traveled only leads one in circles.

"I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference."

Robert Frost

Convenient that Mr. Frost failed to mention what kind of difference, that road made.  Perhaps it wasn't a miraculously good difference- but those optimistic readers among us will always assume that it was a difference of the best possible kind.


In my experience this road can lead to the hospital over and over again.
It can lead you into being conned out of money by someone who you think is a friend.
It can leave you with a heart broken into a million, unrecognizable pieces.
It may fill you with absolute paranoia of eating anything regardless of whether it was prepared in public or at home.
It may make you question, why exactly you want to do something different, something maybe logistically much more challenging than what many others choose.


I am openly disclosing to everyone right now, NOT "ages and ages hence", this road has undoubtedly made a distinct impression on me.  I have become cynical.  I have become sympathetic to all the money mongers out there who only look out for themselves, because quite frankly this career path of "wanting to make a difference in the lives of others" is beginning to feel like a ridiculous, self-righteous goal.


It is at moments like this when I think of my favorite college professor from my undergrad studies in Communication, Dr. Miura.  In our last meeting before I graduated and moved away we chatted and said our goodbyes.  He asked me what I wanted to do, this was in 2005 mind you.  I told him I wanted to work for an international NGO etc. etc.  Insert noble plan here.  He gave me his classic sideways grin and told me, Katie, "you can't save a nation".  At the time, it was a real revelation from me since I had been planning to "save" a nation, hell maybe even an entire continent (okay I'm exaggerating).  Still, I slightly resented him for saying that.  He followed that declaration by arguing that us educated, dedicated people deserve some comforts in life like a big screen TV.  Big screen TV?!?!? I thought at the time??? How materialistic!


So to this day I still don't care what kind of TV I have, but to Dr. Miura's credit I am finally recognizing  that I really don't want to live a life of (relatively mild) poverty because I am trying to help people out of poverty themselves.  Let me be frank that poverty, though it should NOT be, does end up being fairly subjective depending on who is defining it.  I realize I am somehow digressing, but I have an example that can maybe illustrate what I am floundering around trying to articulate.


Last Saturday I went with the aunty who is looking after Jack for me to visit him and to see her friend's land in case I could start a shamba there.  Tangent alert!!!!  <<<He has grown so big and recognized me and smothered me in love!  He's growing up to be exponentially cuter than I imagined.>>>  Back to the story...
After walking around for hours in the afternoon sun up and down steep, dirt hills while being led by my friend's 12 year old daughter- we were lost.  After a few phone calls and help from the locals and walking another solid 45 minutes uphill we reached the piece of land.  It was in a stunningly gorgeous area of rolling hills with a view of the sea from some of the hilltops.  It was green, felt safe and like a little utopia unbothered by the rest of the world's troubles.  The woman owning the land wasn't there but her neighbor led us around up and down some hills to a teeny tiny corrugated iron structure that I was told was where the lady lived 50% of the time.


It became obvious that they thought I was interested in buying land, which was not the understanding I had prior.  They told me I could buy a piece of land on a steep slope near the tiny structure that would amount to a shamba of 40x70 meters.  For nearly $850 dollars.  How prices for land are decided is beyond me.  How do you put dollar signs on the Earth, the soil? Ok back on track! So the neighbor and my friend basically decided for me right then and there that I should buy the land move into this woman's second home and ta-da my future is set.  I had a sick feeling in my throat and looked at the sheets of iron acting as a roof on the shack.  They were held down by rocks slightly bigger than my fist.


This is where Dr. Miura's outlook somehow became mine in a way.  My first two thoughts were: how would I take a shower? And: there is no possible way I would get internet out here.  So there you have it.  Or there I had it.  I was abruptly confronted by the fact that although I do want to accomplish good things for people in need, I feel like I deserve to lead a comfortable life when I can.


On that note about a comfortable life, I am going to trek out to find a boda boda in the dark.  Go to an ATM then find another boda boda to take me to the hospital.  I don't even remember what point I was trying to make, but it must have been a good one.  If anyone got it, please enlighten me  : ).


Usiku Mwema To All.