"Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end."

My last couple of days at G-BIACK are rapidly approaching.  For awhile I kept alternating between feeling sad and feeling ready and now I just feel both but the sadness is stronger than before.  Everyone at the center seems extra happy to talk to me.  All of our students call hello to me from far away.  A woman in charge of the beadwork classes custom crocheted me a stunningly fun, bright red beret.  The seed bank feels extra somber.  As if it knows I am leaving.  I can't seem to get enough of the smell inside of it.  Like each little seed is emitting its signature into the air.

The little, white puppy I've been caring for since January (Jack's brother, who I named Spencer and we called "Spence" for short) disappeared a couple of days ago.  He's either dead, or somebody secretly sold him for a couple of dollars worth of shillings and I've decided it doesn't matter to me which, because either way I know he must be happier now.

Things are getting insane around here, we have visitors at the center and tomorrow one from the states staying at the house for a couple of days.  Activities with the women's program are really ramping up to 110%.  We have a new house lady.  Karanja's having exams soon.  There are cabinets being put in all of the 4 intern rooms at the house.  The dogs are going nuts because of the rain.  Today it took us about 20 minutes to get out of the driveway since the mud is so deep.  Once we got moving we fishtailed in the minivan all the way to the main road.  It was a really freaky, out of control feeling.  It's nearly impossible to dry laundry since it's almost always raining.  We are likely going to lose most or all of our crops due to water logging.  The latrine is 100% full, filled to the brim which makes staying hydrated a real challenge (the only upside to this is that it doesn't smell bad since it's mostly filled with water from underground, yes I know everyone wanted these details).

We are all going on a mini road trip this Saturday, kids, me, my Mexican brothers, Peris and Samuel.  We'll drive to see Peris's family in Nyeri, the hometown of one of my personal heroes, Wangari Maathai http://www.nobelprize.org/nobel_prizes/peace/laureates/2004/maathai-bio.html.  I am trying to pack for my move accordingly and totally failing.  I figure I can do it all mostly in one day (Sunday) especially since people will be gone for church.

I think my last class will be tomorrow, on crop rotation.  I didn't have time for bee-keeping, pig production or goat production classes.  Pretty disappointing, but nothing I can do about it.  I'm trying really hard not to get hung up on everything that I was planning to do but won't have time for (and i'm basically failing in my efforts at that!) ... I was really, really hoping to help create new jewelry designs for the women's program income, I wanted to continue helping Dorcus with the new tree nursery (Moringa, Tree Tomato, Guava, Papaya), I wanted to find a safe place to transplant my precious melon and okra seedlings that are doing really well (and getting too big for the flats), the sunflower seeds aren't ready to harvest and I'm worried people will forget, I wanted to eat my experiment strawberries (which Dorcus promised she, "wouldn't let anyone tamper with" haha)... I wanted to visit the sisters at Kilimambogo Hospital one more time and meet the HIV patients and see the children at the home next door, I really wanted to visit the Thika River seed bank and the farmer group there that became my #1 fan club, since January I had visions of helping to build the new greenhouse (this one is especially painful to let go of) and so on and so forth. I suppose it's a good lesson in non-attachment, going with the flow and acceptance of things beyond my control.

Peris and I were also realizing all of the activities that we kept saying we wanted to do together and now we really don't have time for.  I researched recipes for homemade bar soap and we talked a million times about making it at home for a potential future income for G-BIACK, she wanted me to teach her how to make salads and salad dressings, I wanted to teach her how to bake muffins.  I can tell we are really going to miss one another as much as we had our small differences here and there.  I think we've each learned a lot from the other, not just skills or practical things, but cultural facts and stories, personal stories and hopes and dreams for our lives.

Today she helped me with many questions about my future income garden and we laughed so much at a few different things.  We both had so many ideas and she had some helpful pointers about techniques and improvising in a new climate.  I am bursting with hope about what I can do for myself and others with the information I've learned and all the inspiration that has built up over the past four months.  Now that I picture my own garden and feel determined to make it a reality, it's as if GROW BIOINTENSIVE has truly come alive in my consciousness.  It has transformed from a really interesting group of concepts to something I want to teach others and practice in my own way, with my own twists and interpretations.

I'm realizing I can compare this internship with my permaculture design course in a way, because both experiences helped me to connect with like-minded, inspirational people, equipped me with information that will last a lifetime (and improve my lifetime!), and left the door open for me to practice what I've learned in a way unique to the conditions I will be facing no matter where I am.  I'm also reminded that until I die, I will always naturally be an eager student.  I will never be done learning.  And I will never run out of things I want to learn.  And that's a really good feeling.