dust in the wind (and my nose)

After leaving my computer in the living room on the opposite side of the windows just overnight- I find it covered in a layer of red-brown dust in the early morning.

I don't know why, but this reminds me I am in a new place. Everything is fighting to stay alive here. The ants, the plants, the cockroaches, the newborn babies, the underfed animals, and of course, the people. Sometimes survival isn't graceful. Sometimes it takes shapes we never imagined it might.

I saw a young woman almost get hit by a huge, speeding truck and in her attempt to run away from it was again almost hit by an oncoming van.

At the risk of sounding really preachy... I am finding it helpful to really stop myself from any inner complaining I may be doing and fully escape into gratitude and awareness that I am breathing. I had a talk with Karanja (Peter) about death. We were comparing notes on things that scared us. I listed poisonous snakes and cockroaches. He said big lizards and growing old.

I'm more and more drawn to the approach of not wasting energy with useless regrets. There is also always a fine line between exploring and staying safe. I want to learn how to balance the two better. Though I am usually much more interested in exploring and being part of new experiences, I still value my life and don't take it for granted.

Yesterday I had fun with Shiro and Karanja. We were all so lazy from the heat and we hung around joking while cleaning shoes and sitting in the driveway. The neighbor girl came and joined us. Later Karanja and I walked to the outdoor market (about a 25 minute walk) to get omena fish for Simba, since she might be sick (she's eating less and I never see her nursing anymore- which is troubling). It felt INCREDIBLE to walk, even in the dust and heat. The market was overwhelming. Let's just say the local, outdoor markets in Kigali that freaked me out due to their smell and chaos were a step up from this one since they actually sold things on wooden tables- not the ground, surrounded by trash.

I also had a talk with Karanja about littering. I have been amazed by the trash everywhere that accumulates on the road sides and near people's homes. Every day, on the way home from work we drive by a group of 6 cows that stand or lie on a mound of old, dirty trash. Some days they are eating it, others they sleep in it. It frightens me that this sight is becoming familiar to me and therefore somehow less disturbing.

Well anyway tomorrow I'm going to the field for my first time. I'm going with Edwin (A Manor House graduate and super knowledgeable dude) to a place called Mangu where we are helping a children's home to start a Grow Biointensive garden for their kids. Wednesday and Thursday will be our first two days of trainings this year. Since the training hall is still being renovated we will meet with the Community Resource People at Chania Lodge which is somewhere in Thika. It is a refresher course that is part of our approach of "follow up" with communities we are trying to phase out from this year. I think I will learn a lot from the parts that are in English. I've been told at least 20 people will come and some are children. Really looking forward to it.